The Asian Nurse

The Asian nurse was an interesting woman. She stood no more then 5'3" tall, though it was difficult to tell from my view. We had only met once and I murmured very few words. She said nothing. I never knew her name or where she was from. I never recalled seeing her in this place before. And I never did see her again. 


It was during the month of May in the year 1997. I had been dreaming with my eyes open & living the life of a rodeo cowgirl when they struck. I was home, on the farm in Wisconsin. My childhood best friend had come to visit me. I express the agonizing pain in my belly. Cramps. Beyond what I could ever imagine. We tried to walk them off but they only grew worse. By nightfall, I knew something was wrong. This wasn't my first brush with death. At 15 years old I was quite the alumni in the serious health problems field.  I knew this was something big. Something bad. 


I do not recall the ride to the Emergency Room. I do not recall much other then the tremendous amount of pain that had taken over my body. I could never put into words how bad that hurt. 


I do not recall whether it was day or night when I woke up. I seen  my tummy. Another new incision which would require weeks, maybe even months of recovery. 


I knew not the risks. I did not consider the possible outcomes. The only option was to heal. But my body disagreed. Things weren't working like they were supposed to. My intestine was fading, my blood counts were off the charts. Stuff just wasn't right. 


"In the morning" the doctor said, "We'll do surgery to put a central tube in." Apparently, to fix my blood problem that was causing my body to slowly deteriorate. I dreaded this. Out of all of the surgery & all of the poking and prodding, I could not bear the thought of having a tube through my chest. I felt so much better, my cramps were gone, it was time to get back to spring & summer, right? 


I lied awake that night. Considering what had happened. Where I was. Who I was. Who I was with. I dreaded the morning. I was terrified. I was supposed to be going home, not back under. 


The door slowly opened around 3am.  And that was when I saw her. This petite silhouette purposefully strides through the door toward my bed. Now this was a small hospital, so this new arrival interested me. After all, I had become quite familiar with all of the staff over the past weeks. This nurse was new. They always came in at the same times. She was kind of in the middle, and she was dressed differently. She was dressed like an old fashioned nurse, totally unlike modern the modern day scrubs. It was a long skirt, in white - with the old nurses hat they used to wear. I believe I said a few short words but I do remember she did not verbally respond. Just a small head shake was about it. 


This next part I never quite understood until recently which is why I am sharing the story now. She has a can of Shasta soda - the 7-up flavor they make. She opens it up and proceeds to inject this into my IV. I remember the burn. I remember questioning in my head, why Soda? I was a tiny bit startled & confused. She did this for about a half of can then set it on the tray & walked out of the room without making a sound. 


The next morning there was a miscommunication about my blood tests being done early. The doctor was quite irate when the nurses had forgotten. It postponed the surgery for a couple of hours. By the time the blood work came back everyone was quite surprised to see they had all returned to completely normal with no explanation. I was especially pleased and grateful to the can sitting on my tray & the lady who had delivered it. 


So I inquired of the petite Asian nurse who had visited me the night before? I asked them why she injected soda into my veins? Why she was only there once? Who was she? No body knew nor had ever seen her. What whatever she did to me worked. 


Was there something to the soda? I've heard it used to be quite the common anecdote for blood problems....




That's my story about the Asian Nurse. 


Take care. 

On the Road to Find Out

Some say I am a quiet girl. Those who know me, wish I were a quiet girl. Personally, I feel labels are too restrictive. What in this world remains the same? Who, are we to feel we truly know somebody?  It seems to be all we can ever hold onto is our illusions of those whom we surround ourselves with. Not only illusions made up of our interpretations of who and what is around us, but the game involved in portraying a wide enough hat on our heads to allow us to fill the many shoes we will need to fill in a lifetime for people places and things. Ahh does it not get complicated? I am convinced that the ONLY way you can ever truly know somebody is by this. They must be 100% transparent with you. They must pull those blinds up  that cover the windows to their souls, and invite you to stay awhile. And as they evolve within the hands of time, hopefully they continue to invite you into their very essence & being. That is, if you deserve it. What an incredible and beautiful thing when this takes place. In my opinion, the most cherished of times. They say this only happens a few times in a persons life. Gotta hold onto those whom you can be like this with. 


A dear friend once said to me, "It's all under the hat". At first, I had no idea what he meant! But after some time, thought, and observation, what a reality check! I then realized how true this statement is, and how persuasive people can be, as long as they portray themselves in the manner the world wishes to view them. So I tried it on it for size. Just about every hat I could find. Everything from cowboy hat, to hairspray hat, to miners hard hat. And it was true. I would say to myself, "I don't know if I can do this! Well (me) FIGURE IT OUT!" And the confidence alone from that sprouted new pieces of growth throughout me & my life along with many new opportunities.


Then the day came. The day when I grew tired. I had somehow lost who I once was. And I even questioned whether I ever knew the person beneath this skin. What a sad day. The feeling from looking in the mirror and asking myself aloud, "Who am I?" not for days or weeks, or even months - but years! And not having an answer. 


At times I thought I knew. I THOUGHT. Again, another illusion. It was too easy to be influenced by others & to mold myself into what the world wanted to see. Or better yet, what I thought I wanted to see. 


The despair from not being able to answer this question though was quite a burden. Somedays, it was heavier then others, but it always was there. The only solidity in my life were those I loved - and those who loved me. Those who I thought loved me (but did not) quickly disintegrated from my life. I guess, I didn't have to do much to help with that process. It's funny how quickly a person can reject love & target you with their own inner demons when they are plagued by their own torment. This was yet another major life lesson. Much gained from sitting back and taking the time to realize what was really going on. Much gained. 


This was me. Chasing dreams, running from grief & being under the ILLUSION that I was living in the moment, when in fact everyday I was living in the past. How so you might wonder? Old wounds when not mended sure do find a way to bleed when you least expect it. 


Where am I now? Ahh - the reason I started this blog. What a whirlwind of adventure life has become! How did I get here? I worked really hard to not repeat the past, to learn from what I then PERCEIVED as failures, and from being blessed with some incredible friends & family and a very merciful God. 


I always thought I knew what "peace" was. What living in a peaceful environment was, what having a stillness and calmness within my soul felt like. Don't get me wrong! There are definitely days with chaos! And there are also days when that other girl who could wear a million hats tries stepping up and taking over. I don't let her. She was the one who lost herself amidst the daily turmoils of life. The drama, the pain, the heartache, the misinterpretations, the dishonesty & disrespect.  Anyway, I always thought I knew what peace was until I started gaining it in my life. It's my heroine now & instead of having a great job - or a lot of friends, or just about anything else - I just like the peace & that's the goal. It's a package deal - comes with many amazing perks - all were definitely worth the wait. 


I know I have a long way to go before I reach my goal but after having a taste of this joy, I can't go back. I will hang onto the joys, the good times, the lessons, the love, but not the patterns that were poison in my veins. 


These are my stories from while I was on the road to find out.